


Hidden Miracles

by Miracles_and_MindHoney



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Developing Sexual Relationships, Established Relationship, M/M, Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracles_and_MindHoney/pseuds/Miracles_and_MindHoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having to tell someone you love something about yourself can be hell<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this has quite a few headcannons in it so please be nice and ask if you don't understand something

Waking up was never one of those things that Gamzee fully enjoyed, not even after finding himself a nice cuddly redheart. But for once sitting around was getting him no place fast so he let out a very slow and long sigh through his nose before rising out of the slime enough to pull off the breathing mask and hang it on it's hook. 'Hmm it was getting small, might be time to get it replaced...again.' With another sigh and a hand through his unruly (but getting more controllable) mane to push the slimy mess out of his face, Gamzee's gaze moves over to his smaller 'coon mate who was still fully under the calming slime and curled with their back against his side. He smiles a little, happy to know that his redheart is maybe starting to come around to the thought of being closer, not that they aren't close. It just here lately with the new season everyone is getting...antsy. Everyone's bodies know it's almost time for the drones but their thinkpans know that they will never come again. That being said even after living together two perigees and nearly a sweep in the red quadrant there still has been nothing that could be counted as red courting. Well nothing besides a few almost too quick to be flush kisses and long times spent just cuddling together in a pile.

Gamzee shook his head looking back over, after his gaze had wondered away, to where his smaller ‘coon mate was hidden with a confused and almost hurt look. Maybe he wasn’t good enough, or just the honeyblood just wasn’t into him like that. That was something he had heard of, to be truthful he himself could get like that if he had too much pie or smoked a little too much herb. But really he had seen the things on the others husktop so maybe it just wasn’t time yet. Gam gives a small shake of his head and drags himself out of the warm slime to get a quick shower before the other awakes. Maybe he should start sleeping in less clothing? That way Sollux would know that he is in fact interested in pailing. Nothing too far but maybe he misplaces his shirt before it’s time to sleep. No that would make it seem like he’s a little desperate or something. He would just have to wait and see but little did Gamzee know, Sollux had been having a mental debate with himself over the thoughts of pailing with the highblood as well. Sollux knew that he wouldn’t leave him no matter what but it was still something he was scared of, not that he would ever admit that out-loud to anyone. This was something really big, something that he had been dreading from the moment it all started. The honeyblooded male, woken by the sudden movement in the slime, threw his arm back in the slime hoping to hit the larger troll but sat up when it hit only slowly warming goo.

“Gz?” He says with a light rasp after pulling off his breathing mask, the bigger troll only ever left him alone when he had something on his mind. There was so many things that the older could be thinking about. However the light musk scent left behind gave him little doubt. Gamzee was probably thinking about how they only just now had taken to sleeping together after being together almost a sweep. It was Sollux himself who had insisted that they take it slower. Gamzee never seemed to mind the slow pace, in fact he seemed to really enjoy the long cuddles and just having someone to live with him in his overly large hive. Well other than his short angry moirail but that was another story. Sollux bit his lip hoping he didn’t upset the other with his lack of more romantic cuddling. Perhaps he could share the shower with Gz just once before anything got more intimate, but doing that would mean he would have to be naked. He wasn’t sure if that was something he was up to doing yet, on the one hand Gz would see and have a chance to flip out in a not pailing type of situation however on the other hand it might just be better if he never let the other know about what he was hiding. “Fuck thith thit.” He growls to himself and drags his body out of the _stupid_ beehive shaped recuperacoon. Once Sollux rids himself of his outer clothes, he lightly fingers the edge of the black tank binder quickly thinking over what Gamzee will think about it.

“Solbabe? Y’all up and doing okay?” Gamzee asks softly walking out of the ablution block in nothing but a towel, his glasses and newly applied facepaint. “I heard ya growl and thought somethin’ was going down not to yo favor.” Gamzee had seen the binder before but just thought it was a normal tight black tanktop. It didn’t matter that no one lived even close to the larger troll’s hive, he was always worried about the smaller warmblood getting attacked by something or someone. It was just how Gamzee was about things after living by himself both the few sweeps after the game and before the game even was found. Gamzee wanders his way over to the frozen troll and gently sets his chin on the other’s head while wrapping his arms around the thinner waist. “Somethin’ buzzin’ ‘round yo thinkingpan my fine brother?” He drawls out all low and slow after pecking Sollux’s left larger horn. “Been kinda worried ‘bout you as of late, ya keep going all quiet and shit…I ain’t been doing anything wrong have i?” That was one of his biggest worries; never being good enough for anyone.  
“…I… I’ve juth had a lot on my pan here lately and no it doethn’t have anything to do with you Gz. It’th the new internet I’ve been helping thet up with humanth.” Well it wasn’t a full lie he told himself, he had been working on the internet with them for a while now. Once they got settled on this new planet the temporary setup they had just couldn't hold up forever, but that’s beside the point. The truth is he’s been sitting awake most of the day in his computer room talking with Dirk and AA about how to come out to his only concupiscent quadrant that he’s been able to keep since ED flipped out and left him after finding out he didn’t feel comfortable to pail. He held no ill will to ED though, they never really did fit in black anyway. Well not enough to go that far anyway. But coming back to the topic at hand Gz was slowly rubbing his belly and it was starting to make him sleepy again. “Gz thtop your going to make me want to crawl back into the coon to thleep more.” As good as it felt he wasn’t planning on sleeping the night away. 'Or maybe a few more hours wouldn't be too bad if I have my clown with with me.' He thinks lightly as he traces over the layered tattoos on his mate's arms.

“Sorry brother you all spaced out again with your heavy thinking and I wasn’t sure if you was getting yo wicked self all stressed again.” Gamzee chuckles and stops but continues to hold onto his tiny mate even if that means getting slime all over himself again. He didn’t even care if it meant he could hold him a little longer. “Y’know I don’t enjoy it when you get all tight and knotted because yo thoughts are getting salty on you, or ya work yoself ‘til you pass the fuck out. But I understand that’s just how you are, so it’s chill sometimes to do.” He pauses in his long ramble to softly nuzzle his nose against the little spot behind his sunspot’s ear that always makes him chirp, which in turn does make Sollux chirp under his breath. “S’alls I’m saying is iffen yo got something on yo motherfucking pan that is getting all burnt and crispy just sittin’ there, all you gotta do is let this chucklefuck in on what it is and it might make it better…or I guess I could be makin' shit worse but I’m sure it’s gotta be somethin’ that can just be fixed all simple like.” He knows all about Sollux’s day life and how much sleep he hasn’t been getting, and truthfully it’s getting him rather worried. Yes he knows that the honeyblood has always had poor sleep but since he came to stay, Gamzee just had no clue how bad it really was. It almost seemed like he was working and talking to everyone else just to avoid sleeping next to him. He frowned, well that was a depressing thought and one Gam didn’t like thinking about, but if his mate wanted to keep it from him he guesses that’s just fine. After all he has his own demons he’s keeping locked away. "Look I know you ain't one for the whole evening thing before ya get yo wicked sugary acid drink, as am I, but hows 'bout we do something tanight. Something for just the two of us..." He trails off hoping it doesn't sound too forward.

"Thomething for jutht the two of uth? Like what Gz, the only other trollth or humanth that even careth to know where you or I live are KK or AA. And I know KK hath been here thleeping in another block thince he had that fight the other day with whoever it wath methaging him. Ath for AA thhe found thomething out in the woodth to keep her out of our hair. Tho what do you mean, everything we do ith for 'jutht uth'." Okay yeah that was a little scathing but it was early, he didn't get to sleep until very late and he was scared. Mostly scared and tired. Not two things that should mix before tea or an energy drink. Plus the slime was starting to dry and get tacky which would be a pain to get out of his binder. Sollux grumbles and pulls himself away from his taller mate, turns then faces him with a light glare. "I know you're trying to help but for once Gamth, pleathe jutht let me think about thingth. No it'th not about you, well kinda but that doethn't matter. Well it doeth but it doethn't okay? Jutht..." The yellowblood stops to gather his thoughts and lets out a sigh then works out the next few lines as slow as he needs so not to lisp. "Gamzee I am okay, pleath- please just go downthtairth- stairs and cook us something nice for food?" Damnit just when he was getting better at not fucking up, and now the big idiot looks hurt. Way to fucking go Captor. Gold stars for you. It must be closer to his cycle than he thought. "I pity you Gz..." Yeah like that's going to make it better, but at least Gam doesn't look like someone kicked his stupid _our stupid_ baby meowbeast. In fact Gam nods a bit starting to smile again.

"Alright I get that yo all motherfucking kindas grumpy right now, my fine brother, but that doesn't all up and mean ya get ta...uh fuck I already used mean... Um be rude ta me when I am just trying to help you. Iffen something is really bothering you this much to snap at me then I'll back down and let you get your way this time. How-motherfucking-ever I want to know what is making you this way before we eat, understand?" He really didn't like to get upset because he knew where that could go but once in a while, as he has learned, Sollux needed a firm talking to sometimes. And this latest thing has finally pushed it too far, he won't stand for it anymore. "Get your shower outta the way then meet me downstairs for a motherfucking talk, I'll have a cup of tea waiting for you." With that said the bigger troll headed back to the ablution block to get dressed for the night, which just brought Sollux to the crushing realization that Gam was trying to flirt and be forward by the little thing he said. Once the door was shut to the block Gamzee leaned against it and sighed, damn he always seems to mess up even the littlest of things so easily. Sometimes he wishes he wasn't so much of a klutz, but this was the hand the messiahs have dealt him so he's just gotta go through with it. Fixing his glasses higher on his nose he moves about finally getting dressed in a faded pair of black baggy jeans and a looser off white t-shirt with his last name written in east alternian down the back. He waits a little while longer in the block to give Sollux time to gather both his thoughts and clothes for the night.

Sollux meanwhile wasn't doing either of those things, he was busy panicking about this talk he was now going to have to do. Sure he had been talking to Dirk about how it went for him, but he didn't have to do it face to face. He had the luxury of hiding behind his keyboard when he told his friends. No for once Sollux wouldn't have comforting clack of keys to fuel his emotions, all he had was his voice and this stupid body. The hacker worries his lower lip with a set of his fangs as he quickly goes through all the different ways he's come up with on how to come out to Gz. Then it hits him. Why say anything when actions speak louder than words? All he needed now was some of his old clothes from before the new world. He goes to the walk in closet to look knowing he had a few things left, then he finds a box KN gave him a sweep ago just before he started really dating Gz. It was never opened because he knew was was in it; female clothes. Not that he didn't like switching it up every once in a great while, but it just didn't really sit well with him since nothing he could ever find was in his style. Well that and he mostly shopped online because a female trying to look male in their female dominated species was most of the time, if not frowned on, a reason to be cull bait. With that in mind he gave a shudder as he lifted the lid of the box hoping and praying to all the fake gods out there that there would be something without lace, because damn that girl liked lace on everything. Sollux gave out a raspy laugh as he picks up the top most skirt; it was floor length, mostly black with a gentle fade down to white. It almost looked like something the males would normally wear, just with a tad more shape to it. Perfect. Now he just needed a shirt to match the skirt oh and underthings which he thankfully found folded up neatly in the stupid tissue paper. He might have to be extra nice to her next time he asked for a new binder. Heading back to the main sleeping block, after grabbing one of his more fitted shirts, he finds his mate leaving the block to head down to cook and give him privacy. While most of the time it would make him a little sad that Gam wouldn't stay and talk with him through the door, this time he was rather thankful he didn't have to ask him to leave.

Gamzee twisted the thin chain of his necklace between his fingers as he waited and thought about what Sollux could be hiding from him. Could there be another troll in his life that he was going to for pailing? Maybe like a black mate? A 'rail with pails? Maybe a hidden red mate? He bites his lip thinking about the last one more. No, his little flush couldn't be cheating on him, right? Gam shook his head, trying hard not to think about that. He knew that Sollux would be with him through no matter what. Hell, they've all been through shit that should have ripped them all apart, but despite it all, they all well most of them are still friends. Yeah, but that doesn't mean that Solbro would go out and cheat. No, no, no he's too closed off to even talk about his problems. So would he even have the globes to go off and cheat? The clown growls to himself and almost storms out of the block before he can go into a fit of rage. He needs to get this under control and not think these things. His mate is loyal to him and that was just how it was.


	2. Chapter 2

Once the clown got down to the meal block he starts to pull out the ingredients he would need to make their breakfast. However no matter how hard he tried to push away the thought of the honeyblood maybe cheating on him it wouldn't go away and it hurt the more he thought about it. Who would it be? Not fishbro, he only wanted Sollux in the black and if that was the case then he'd be fine with it. Maybe Fefsis? She was nice and they did have that pale/red thing back in the game on the horn pile before she was killed, but he never seemed to care much like a mate would when she died. Spookysis is a no and like way out of the question seeing as she is his bonded diamond. Maybe it's that Dirk human or even Dave... At that thought Gam almost dropped the bowl he was mixing up. There was no way his red was cheating on him with his own black crush, right? Carefully he sets the bowl down and leans against the cabinets trying to ease his breathing without destroying anything. Slow easy breaths, that's what Karkat was teaching him. In through the sniff node out through the face gash, is was he said. Gam always has to giggle a little forgetting sometimes that his sugargrub speaks in lowblood terms. Like really how much harder was it to say 'in through the nose and out through the mouth'. It almost seemed easier to say it in highblood terms, not to mention it flowed better. He smiles lightly picking back up the bowl keeping his thoughts on his pale mate and not on what was his problem before.

Meanwhile upstairs in the ablution block Sollux was trying his best to not have a major freak out and for once not failing too badly at that. He had been on a video chat with his moirail since he had gotten out of the shower. His fellow psionic was one of only three trolls that knew of his secret, one being his best friend and sometime hate-friend KK. The other KN who helped him find female clothes in his style or to make him a binder or two when they started to play the game and he needed to be seen around by the others. However seeing as one of the three trolls was palebonded to his redmate, Sollux didn't want to talk to KK about it, since KN would be of no real help that left AA and damn was she madder than a wet mother cluckbeast. "Look AA I know you're trying to help but yelling at me ith'nt going to make me feel any better about thith, in fact ith'th making me feel kinda worthe. And it doethn't help that he got on my cathe about thith right after I woke up... Gog I'm thuth a fucking methh right now." He covers his face with his hands and curls a little.

"Sollux I know you don't like what I'm saying but you'll have been with him for a sweep come next week. And if that isn't enough time to work out weather or not he is going to leave you over the fact that you're just a little different then, I would say stop wasting your time and hook up with a troll you really can be yourself around. I know how you feel about this and let me just say, 'rail to 'rail. You are so much stronger than you make yourself believe. Hunny you have the heart of a powerful female, and the soul of a strong male. And you know just because you don't think you fit in with the other males, none of them would ever think twice about calling you their brother. Even my pony boy says you are one of the strongest males he's seen, and that's a lot coming from him. Just for once let yourself fall and let that damn murder clown catch you. Trust me on this one, he will catch you and never let you go." By the end, her momentary angry was forgotten and the soothing moirail was back in full force to help her little one.

However Sollux wasn't having any of it. "Look I know you're trying really hard to help but how can you know any of thith for thure AA? Yeth I know that he will do anything for me but thith ith a whole lot bigger than anything elthe I've done. I have to tell him that thith whole time we've known eath other that I've been really a chick and I don't know if he'll take that well or not and... Truthfully it'th got me really fucking worried and thcared..." He trails off as he tucks his knees against his chest. "What if he doethn't like me anymore and jutht leaveth me. What if he findth thomeone elth that ith tho much better at being a redmate than me..." He bows his head to his knees and sucks in a heavy breath. 

The aries watches her friend with a sad look, not knowing how much pain he's going through but tying her best to understand. Or at the very least help fix the side effects of the emotional pain. "Hunny... Please just listen to me for once. One you are not a chick, no matter what your body looks like you will only ever be what your thinkpan knows is true. Two don't you think you're being a bit unfair to him. For gog sakes Sollux, Karkat has known about you for well over half your life and you can't even tell your best friend's palebond? Karkat told your his dark secret just a few weeks after he told Gamzee, don't you think you should return the favor?" She huffs and runs a dirt covered hand through her hair as she tries to calm down. "Alright and third why don't you think of how the clown has treated you over the last sweep. Everyone knows he still has problems with lashing out and the anger, but has he once turned that rage on you? Sure Karkat has had to defend himself a few times from thrown clubs but have you ever? Has he ever been anything but gentle with you except when you needed to be spoken to harshly because your mania got too out of control for you to function. Tell me one time he has done anything of the sort."

Sollux had to really stop and think about those questions. Had Gamzee ever turned a club on him? Not that he can recall, and surely he wouldn't be with him if he ever did something that bad. The others would have made sure of that. As for the rage thing, yeah he's seen the flare ups and the sudden loosening of control but Gz always made it a point to hold it back once he had flinched or gotten scared. Even seeing the hate his highblood gets and takes from the low and mid bloods, none of that was new to him. But never had he seen Gamzee say a ill word to any caste lower than him. Or higher for that matter. The only time he hears something like that is when he speaks of his black crush, and even then its tame compared to some of the things he himself has been called. In short Gamzee wasn't as bad as he could be. Sollux sighs heavily after he really does think about it. "Fine you're right, he would tho totally do thomething that thupid. He'th almoth too truthting and juth all together a really nice guy... I guetth it won't be that hard to do it, I juth gotta do it. For him. For uth..." Uncurling his knees from his chest and gathering up his husktop, Sollux makes his way to his feet even if he feels like the whole world is leaning on his shoulders.

Aradia smiles as her pale finally gets up and realizes what he needs to do. It just made her feel so helpful and happy. Oh she would totally have to tell this to Nepeta. That girl would get a kick out of all this drama. "So Hunny how are you going to come out to your loving clown? Are you going to just talk it out because that would be just too boring for my fic- I mean maybe it would best if you two did just talk it out after all speaking helps all things." She gives him a sharklike grin as the husktop his set on the counter. 

"I can't believe you of all trollth are helping NP write her thitty fanfiction and no I don't really plan on just talking it out. I plan on thhowing him kinda...Get that grin off your fathe I won't be thhowing him that way." He rolls his eyes as he wiggles into the panties and skirt after he throws his towel off into the basket. Since he's been moirails with her for so long he doesn't mind being naked with her watching anymore. And it's not like they don't have the same parts anyway, it's just her rumble spheres are much bigger than his own. "Do you think I thhould even bother with the bra? They aren't that notitheable, are they?" Truthfully his weren't much bigger than his fist but the tighter shirt would make them look bigger. Grumbling he puts it on as his pale nods a bit. It always made him feel uncomfortable and wrong, like he was trying to be something he wasn't. Well if he thought about it, him wearing it did just that. It made him the chick he really wasn't, so of course it would feel fake and wrong. Sollux was just thankful that it was just a plain black one without any frills or lace. 'Just like a looser blinder' he tells himself while he slips his shirt on carefully over his horns. "Well how do I look? Do I look like a chick?"

Frowning and tilting her head to the side she nods. "Yeah you do as much as your glare and hair style will allow you. But you really just look miserable... I hope this is what you want because this is almost killing me to see you not be yourself hun. You've worked so hard to keep this side of you hidden, it just doesn't sit right with me for you to throw it all away for a flush." The pale pity is clear in her eyes as she looks over her honeyblood. But just as soon as it is there it's gone again to be replaced with fiery determination. "That being sad, if that clown doesn't respect how much you're giving up by kissing your feet or treating you like his gog damn Messiahs. I will personally come back to your hive and shove him back in the fucking thermal hull. Is that clear Sollux? You call me if he so much as looks at you wrong. I'll be there to make sure he knows what's up, okay?"

It's times like this that Sollux remembers that his 'rail is someone not to fucking around with. "Alright I'll call you if anthing doethn't go right. But you'll have to get here fatht 'cauth KK ith thtaying with uth for the moment. And he'll no doubt have a few wordth to thcream too if Gz reacth badly to thith whole thing... Maybe I thhould do thome makeup to-"

"Sollux don't do anything more to make yourself even more put on than you already feel. I think what you have done is plenty for you to get your point across. Make up and all that other stuff will just make you feel more out of your depth than you are. Just go down to have this unpleasant talk with your boyfriend and let it be over with. All you're doing now is stalling for time, and if I know him like you've told me then he has a drink and food ready for you. So get going before you freak out."

Watching her face, the male can see all the emotions flit across her face. She was right, just like when she suggested going to KN would be a good idea for clothes. "Fine I'll get going and thtop thtalling, after all tea doeth thound good right now. I'll call you later tonight, okay?" Not really waiting for AA to reply he ends the video chat and closes the lid of his husktop. Now all he has to do is go downstairs and face the music.


	3. Chapter 3

While Gamzee is waiting for the shorter male to come down to breakfast, he sits at the table just thinking. What could the other have hidden that was so big that it could make him act like this. Gam for one had never seen Sollux get so jumpy and skittish about anything, not even when something bad happened to his bee hives. Was there really someone else? Why would there be? The on edge highblood growls to himself as he pushes away from the table. There had to be something he was missing, but what? He almost jumps as the timer for the oven dings loudly, much too lost in his own heretic thoughts to remember he was cooking. Reigning himself back from the brink of anger, Gam goes to pull out the sweet rolls from the offending thing. 'Just wait for Solbro, he will tell you what you need to know.' Gam tries his best to keep some sense of calm with the reassuring thought. 'And if he doesn't then we can teach him a lesson for hiding things from us.' the other, more sinister side of his mind adds softly, "No he won't be harmed now shut the motherfuck up 'fore I all up and get something ta shut ya up with." He growls the words outloud but under his breath to make the threat clear. No matter how many times he had be killed or been shoosh'ed that one voice stuck around. All the others by this point had left or had gotten so faint that Gam could very easily ignore them. But now was not a time to be talking to the blood thirsty voice in his head. He could pick out the faint scent of ozone that always seemed to be around his mate. The calm before the storm as it were. Gam loads up two plates of food knowing that his 'rail wouldn't be up this soon, before taking them to the table where he sits back in his spot to nurse a cup of coffee. The clown keeps his eyes down watching the stream as he feels the pressure drop in the room, signaling that Sollux had entered it.

"You make thweet rollth and oinkbeast thtripth for breakfatht? You really only do that if you're trying to woo me or thomething. Are you planning thomething Gamthee?" The snicker was clear in his voice.

"Just really want ta be all up in the know of what...a...brother..." Finally looking up as the other male sits, Gam is truly lost for words. Was this the big secret that his sunspot had been hiding? "Sollux is...is that why...fuck uh... well shit I was not at all motherfucking expecting that one. Fuck okay then that there is a thing that just all up and motherfucking happened. Damn." Running both of his hands through his hair and tugging lightly at his horns, the clown tries his hardest to wrap his pan around this one.

Flushing gold lightly Sollux watches as his mate is for once more tongue tied than a wriggler. But so far so good. Nothing was broken, or thrown. No yelling or screaming in rage or anything. Just a very confused and dazed looking clown. "Yeah that kinda jutht did happen, didn't it." he coughs before continuing "Tho yeah kinda like tranth and thit. That'th really the reathon I wanted to go thlow. I didn't want you to bitthh me out or cull me or whatever it ith you highbloodth do to uth...freakth..." Suddenly the plate in front of the lowblood was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

"I'm not like them brother.... Sure I get miffed about shit, but fuck who on this motherfucking planet doesn't am I right?" His laugh is more forced than it should be. "And I know ya get off or some shit about talking yoself down into a motherfucking hole, but damn if I won't stand for you get all ruffled and pitch like Karbro does." The foreced smile drops almost too quick and is replaced with a very serious expression. "You ain't any kinda freak in any way. I mean yeah sure your pan and body are fit ta get down with a bitchass wicked fight but Sollux, you are my brother. Ain't any motherfucker seen you as anything other than that. Or if they do I sure as shit ain't one." Gam reaches over and gently lifts up Sol's chin with a few fingers. "You are my motherfucking miraculous red, and if that don't count as a damn fine ass reason as ta why I shouldn't be getting all offended that ya hid this from me then.... Well dammit I can't come up with another good one. Point is you are my sweet lil honeygrub, and I wouldn't hurt ya over something as little as you was hatched a little different. That would be down right unmirthful and a sin before the Messiahs. You was given a crap hand but no ones ta say ya can't change it huh...bro? Wait why ya crying?" He had never seen the other cry tears before. Blood and pan stuff mixed with tears, but never real tears just by themself. 

The younger didn't even know when he started to cry but once the older said it he crumbled into gentle sobs. Never in a million sweeps had Sollux thought he would get such an uplifting rambled speech about himself from someone he had just came out to. Sure AA had been supportive in her own way. KK had just scoffed and pushed it off with a 'cool we are both freaks, now time to move on with our lives.' and that was that. But all this? No this had hit him the hardest, and he didn't even know why. Maybe it was the way the indigo had made him feel the special kind of pity only a red can. Nonetheless it had worked so well that Sollux couldn't help but to clumsily remove his glasses, trying to rub at his tears before moving over into the clown's lap. Once settled he buries his face against the coldblood's neck to muffle his continued crying. How had he ended up with the single most terrifying yet caring subjugglator he would never know, just maybe he would chalk it up to Gz's miracles. Though he doubted it could be that simple. Or could it? There was very few things that Sollux took at face value and just left it at that. Perhaps for once he could just believe that this was a miracle and let it be. Even though that would mean that Gz would be right and would never let it go if he ever found out about it. But Sollux couldn't bring himself to care right at that moment because he was being wrapped tight in cold arms anf that was when it hit him. He was truly flushed for this murder clown. Just coming to this conclusion brings forth more tears. Out of the frying pan into the fire as it were. One more secret to keep.

Once making sure his grip isn't too tight, Gam starts to make a soft noise in his thorax trying to calm the other down. "Hey now lil one, this motherfucking shit is all down ta being fine with me. I don't rightly care if ya are a male or a female or some little bit in between. S'alls the same ta me as long as ya got pity up in your bloodpusher." He presses a gentle kiss to the other's head. "Brother I know that keeping this bitchin' secert and telling it ta me was downright murder on you. So I guess its all up being fair iffen I get ta returning that favor y'know? How's 'bout I uh... let you take my paint off later?." Pausing to take a breath to steady himself. "Won't even fight ya none about it m'kay? How does that mirthful shit sound? I get to see your true motherfucking self and you get ta see mine." Even though Gamzee knew it wasn't against the rules for a romantic quad to see his face, but it still felt extremely exposing. Like he was more naked than even just taking all his clothes off. But if it was for his Solbro then he would do it, after all Sol had done this for him. But still he had a nagging feeling. "Brother i got to be knowing. Did ya do this wicked shit because ya felt like I forced you? 'Cause iffen that's the case then I'd be downright sad. Stuff like this I know takes time to tell some motherfucker. And I for one-" 

"Gamthee for onthe thut up." Knowing what would be another long ramble Sollux does the only thing he can think of, given his newly discovered feelings he kisses his stupid clown.


	4. Chapter 4

As he felt the other return the kiss, Sollux is tempted to take it a little further. Shifting his grip from Gamz's shoulders up into his still damp hair, Sol presses himself even closer. The chill coming off of his mate thrilling him like never before. For once he wasn't scared, he wasn't holding back from his admitting cuddly side. It was almost like he was kissing Gam for the first time again, but somehow even better. Sollux really felt free, nothing would ruin this moment for him. No matter what. A gentle prick of fangs brought him from his musings. Sollux let out a soft breath against the other's lips as a jolt ran down his back. It was like he was being shocked by his own psii, the feeling filled him with the courage. Sol shifts in the coldblood’s lap to fully straddle him before pressing into the kiss even more. He knows that this is the farthest they have ever gotten but in this moment it just feels so right.   
Gamzee doesn’t even try to hold back the pleased purr that gets dragged up from the bottom of his chest. The feeling of Sol’s psii that gently runs through his arms once Gam slips his hands under the thin t-shirt the hacker always wears, tickles him slightly. Yet at the same time the light jolts of power draw a soft moan that easily is muffled by the rough kiss. Even though Gam is more than enjoying the sudden enthusiasm, he can’t help but to feel like now isn’t the right time, or the right place for that matter. Gamzee forces himself to break the kiss that is quickly getting him worked up. “B-bro…” he pants out almost soundlessly “shit bro… I really fucking want to keep going with this but...” Deep purple eyes glance at the black paint smeared on the warmblood’s fangs and Gamzee shivers then shakes his head. “Sollux is now really the best time? I mean damn, we haven’t all up and done anything fer a whole sweep, which I’m hella down with but… Are you sure you’re ready ta take this step?” Worry was eating him up on the inside. What if it was just the season starting to get to his mate? If that was the case then, the highblood feels like it would just make their coming together cheap, like someone was cheating them out of something that could be and should be truly miraculous. He bites his lip for a moment before continuing. “I just wanna know that this is really you wanting this and it ain’t something brought upon by y’know...heat season?” Suddenly feeling stupid about his question, Gam blushes hard enough to darken the tips of his ears.  
“Do you ever thut up?” Sol snickers and nuzzles happily against his highblood’s neck, scenting him lightly before biting down as rough as he dares. “I know heat ith coming.” he mutters into the other’s ear. “And frankly it’th jutht making me want you even more. Thure I thaid I wanted to wait before going thith far but…” Sollux grins almost wickedly and he sits up to stare down at Gamzee. “That wath only becauthe you didn’t know my thecret. Now that you know, I’m more than ready to go all the way. In fact I’ve been wanting to for a long time however I wath thcared of what you would think.” he chuckles and rubs his hands over the cool shoulders then down the lithe chest of his mate. “Did you know there are just ath many rumorth about what you’re packing ath there are about me? Thome thay the indigo’th are the biggetht of the land trollth no matter the primary gender, and I fully intend to find out if that’th true.” Sollux licks his lips as the flush on Gamzee’s face darkens enough to be faintly be seen through the thick paint.  
“S-Sollux bro… Please I dunno what kinda shit you’ve been hearing but, motherfuck I ain’t packing that much. Really, ask Karbro-” The blush drops from his face for just a moment before returning darker than before and disappearing down the collar of his t-shirt. Gamzee whines loudly and covers his face with both of his hands not believing he said that outloud.  
“Oh? KK would know about your thize? Well maybe I’ll jutht go athk him if it’s even pothhible for me to mate with you proper. Maybe you’ll have to bow to a lowblood jutht for uth do anything.” Even with the shiteating grin and high levels of snark Sollux is slinging, he still can’t hold back a shiver at the thought of bringing the highblood to his knees.  
“Brother please…” Gamzee mutters into his hands, he never thought that this would be something that Sollux would use against him. True he knew he was bigger than some but the biggest? No way. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Gamzee finally glances up at the smirking honeyblood.   
“Are you finally coming out of your thhell, brother? You know I never thought it would be thith eathy to teathe you. Conthidering what you rap about thometimeth.” the smirk grew a bit meaner. “Thill never thought a mighty highblood would be tho weak about thomething he thhould be proud of…” Sollux trails off as he feels the low thrum of a growl from the clown.  
Even as he tries to hold back the growl from his other side, Gam can’t help but to feel a little of the sting from the words his mate says. Not so much of the growl is in rage, but more so in a challange. If Sollux wants to play rough then who is Gamzee to deny him? “Solbabe, I wasn’t raised as a motherfucking highblood but iffen ya wanna get down with the clown that way, I’ll gladly grant your wish.” Without much more warning than that the highblood pulls his mate tight against him and bites the smaller male on the shoulder hard enough to count as a claiming mark.  
Sollux doesn’t expect the bite even with the warning and moans once the sharp teeth slice into his flesh.To have a male take power from him and control the situation, it was one of the darkest kinks he’s had. After having every schoolfeed learn him that as a female he was meant to be the dominated one, Sollux wanted nothing more than to break that mold. His only regret is waiting so long to feel like this. Sollux shakes his head lightly to rid himself of the heavy thoughts and arcs to Gamzee needing to feel everything that he knows the clown can provide. “Pleathe Gamthee, don’t teathe me.”  
With a more forceful growl Gam places lighter nips along Sol’s shoulder trailing up the side of his neck. “Iffen I’m the tease then what the motherfuck are you, beloved?” He says softly into Sollux’s pointed ear. “You’re the one makin’ this chucklefuck want ta slam ya onta the table and have my sick nasty way with yo body. So don’t be calling me a teathe.”   
“Damnit GZ pleathe, don’t jutht talk big… Fucking do it.” Two could play this rough game and it just made Sollux tremble all the more.  
“Or how about you fucking DON’T DO IT. Did the both of you fuckfaces forget that you had another poor innocence troll staying in this gog forsaken hive? Of fucking course this is the first thing you two do once the bullshit ‘secret’ is out. You both are making me ill. Gamzee I thought I taught you better restraint. I expected better from you, Sollux on the other hand this is just the thing I expect from you.” Standing in the doorway is the one and Karkat Vantas. Arms folded and foot tapping, looking just like a pissed off lusus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter only came about because of a new friend that I made that encouraged me to keep writing   
> Thank you <3


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